12/12 - An End of Semester Treat
Second Cracked article in the pipeline: The 6 Biggest Dick Moves in the History of Video Game Design. And sweet, most of what I wrote actually made it past editorial this time! Rather than me telling you which three I wrote, I thought I'd see if people on Twitter can figure it out (one of them should be pretty obvious even if you're not a regular reader)
Because of finals I don't have any new content, only a sexy new Update Log brought to you by iframes. Hard to imagine that I've been updating this place for almost ten years now.
UPDATE UPDATE 12/13: JunkyBiggs on Twitter wins. I wrote Shadow of the Beast, Fable 3, and Dirty Harry/Phantasy Star.
11/27 - Turkey Day
Four quickies for October 2014! Also, all of Review Quickies has been updated to the new format, and everything back to 2011 has been added to the index.
Man, some of the 2011 quickies are pretty dodgy, and a handful of them looked like I never bothered to proofread them (i.e. Pluto in May 2011, which I did go back and fix). And then I hit the "Terrible Old Format" ones. You have no idea how tempting it was for me to wipe them; as well as some really questionable scores (I only rated Okami a "decent"???) the writing on those things is uninformative and just godawful all round. I only left them so that I could have something to point myself to and think "I could be doing worse!"
And with that, I'm going to go celebrate Thanksgiving the proper way: with a Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon.
11/19 - There's Plenty More Gratuitous Swearing Where That Came From!
It's my fifth (or third-and-second-half?) Cracked article: The 5 Most Unreasonably Difficult Video Game Puzzles Ever. I wrote Shadow of the Beast II and Professor Layton, though I also had entries for evolving Inkay into Malamar in Pokemon X and Y and the Nero family in Final Fantasy IX that got cut, I guess for being optional (C.K. Bond also wrote about the Black Monolith in FEZ). Also, my entries for Layton and Beast 2 appear to have been completely rewritten? Which is a little disheartening because I haven't had that happen since the Chrono Trigger entry in my very first article, and a shame because I was really attached to my joke about abusing Beast II's "ask" feature to swear at the snail when he cockblocked your quest.
In a previous update, I mentioned this article getting a setback. There was originally a fifth writer, the Brandon Drake guy I thanked in the byline. He pitched Castlevania II and I offered him Final Fantasy IX both because he pitched the bit about the sword (after I pitched the Nero family itself) and because he helped me redirect this article from something that didn't work, but when the article was finally accepted, he just... disappeared. The article was turned in a week late after I took FF9 back and C.K. Bond took Castlevania II.
So months ago I thought I'd finally dive into the Sega-16 topic featured in Odds and Ends Vol. 3 to celebrate another publication on Cracked. But it took so long for this article to get accepted and published that I eventually lost interest, especially when I doubt such a MOREC would be much more than me laughing Jim Sterling style at a man who would have an existential crisis if he ever found out Phantasy Star IV wasn't the first RPG to have combo magic.
Instead, I've converted the 2013 quickies to the new style and added them to the index. I also got a little happy with the index and included the quickies from October 2014 which I haven't actually finished writing, so I've removed those links. Also enjoy this collection of stuff I've written since my last Cracked article:
Review Quickies - Since my last article was published in September 2013, there's a year's worth of new stuff here.
Pier Solar - Let me say it one more time: Fuck this game.
Monkey Island Oddities - Yeah, when somethings sticks out as weird in a Monkey Island game, you know it's pretty screwed up.
I Am a Horrible Person and Sega-16 is Hilarious - Here's what happens when I'm still bitter about paying nearly $60 for a game that made me want to rip my own teeth out, and I need an April Fool's special and some filler while I get a major project done.
The Merged Hulk - If you're a regular Cracked reader, you might remember when this was called The #4 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Superhero Reinvention. I disagree.
11/18 - Calm Before The Winter Storm
The new design has been applied to the Game Music and File Cabinet main pages, and all of MOREC. The Review Quickies main page and all the 2014 quickies have also been updated to the new style. A while back site reader Spencer suggested an index for the quickies which I've finally implemented, but it currently only has the 2014 items on it. I'll add to it as I revamp the quickies from previous years.
Also, I'd like to shout out to reader Allan for pointing out I had confused Anthony Hopkins with Bob Hoskins in a couple quickies.
11/14 - Cheez Waffies
I'm still toying around with the layout of the main page. A little while back I changed the header and rearranged stuff to make the top of the page smaller and less cluttered. Then I changed it again to the current version with the Lemmings background. And this image may itself just be a placeholder until I can plan, draw, and possibly digitally paint a mural I have in mind. Again, if anybody has any feedback to offer, email or tweet me, or post at my forum.
Daniel X is Terrible, Blaster Master Overdrive, Ten Things I Like About Blaster Master 2, and Blasting Again Stupidity have been updated to this new format. While I was cleaning up the header it occured to me that I really needed to tweak the Q&A page into a general About/Contact page.
(And if anyone's wondering what's with the header of this update, check my Twitter feed)
UPDATE UPDATE: Holy fuckup, Batman! When I was trying to upload the re-reformatted Pier Solar review, I somehow uploaded it into the main File Cabinet directory. That's been fixed. Such are the joys of having to update the site at 2:30 in the morning because of bandwidth restrictions.
10/31 - HULK GO TRICK-OR-TREATING AS... WELL, HULK
So it's Halloween, a time for monsters and all, so here's the second chapter of the Merged Hulk. I'm going to confess right now that this was harder to write than the first chapter because I'm not quite as passionate about these issues.
Also, since people seemed to prefer the white plate style for the articles, I've applied that to both chapters. I also slightly edited it so the border doesn't "pop" and just has a solid gray border.
10/20 - You Call It Padding, I Call It Buffing
I've revamped the Review Quickies main page to the new style, and am using the first page of the Merged Hulk article and my Pier Solar review as guinea pigs for potential styles for full articles: the former uses a border of blue granite, while the latter uses a solid white plate style. If anyone wants to give me feedback on which one looks better, email or Tweet me, or post at my forum.
And carlmarksguy gets the whole bag of gold stars for catching the reference in the previous update's header.
10/13 - Oh Cripes, Polish-Polish-Polish
I darkend the blue granite texture to hopefully make the text in the updates column easier to read. If it's still a problem, I'll have to work something else out.
I've also revamped the File Cabinet, MOREC, and Game Music pages to the new format. Now to get back to work on the next Merged Hulk chapter; I have all the scans I think I'll need and maybe 40% of the words, I just need to get the rest of the text written, edited, and re-edited.
10/07 - Getting Stoned
Oh hey, did I mention I'm taking a class in web design? Hopefully this is what people have meant by making my site look less 90's-ish. For now only the main page has been revamped, and I'll probably continue to tweak it as I get new toys to play with, then when I get a style I'm happy with I'll start modifying other pages. This might also be the equipment I need to revamp the Bestiary.
Oh, and the Networking class is starting to sink in.
10/01 - FUCK SUBNETTING
August and September quickies, fresh off the grill. And since I'm finished (for the moment) with a couple projects that'll turn up soon enough, I hope to get some work done around here.
Oh, and I'm well aware of what recently hit Steam. Though to be honest, I'm sort of impressed that they're "only" charging $15 for it. I still think that's an outrageous price for that game, especially when Cthulhu Saves the World costs $3, comes bundled with another (albeit incredibly mediocre) game, and goes down to as little as a buck during the Steam sales, but I didn't see them letting their precious go for less than $30.
9/23 - Tippy-Typey
Now that I'm over my bug, I redrew the File Cabinet image for the Table of Contents. Unfortunately, in between school and an external project that got hit with a major setback (I'm not sure I can disclose the details yet, but I'll tell you what happened when the time comes), that's all I got around to doing. I guess I'll have the August and September quickies next time.
9/07 - Does This Mean the Weather's Finally Cooling Down?
Nothing major today, just continuing down the list of "Things I Really Should Have Done Ages Ago". First up, I've altered the layout of the main page so the table of contents is side-by-side with the update log, and resized the link images slightly. Second, I finally fixed the tables in the Bestiary. I also meant to redraw the image for the File Cabinet because it looks wonky to me, but I was nailed by allergies yesterday and spent the whole day groggy as fuck, so I just touched up CK's pupils a bit to make it a little less crap for now. I'll get to completely redoing it later.
By the way, I've gotten a couple emails saying my site would be better if it looked prettier, or that it looks "90s-ish"... but they don't elaborate on what they mean. I'll admit my site doesn't have any Java bells and whistles, but if you think something could be improved, you need to tell me more than "it could be improved." What could be improved? The format? The colors? The font? What?
9/02 - Five Miles if You Love Lemmings
The Genesis music for the original Lemmings has been reripped and four songs have been added, those being Ending, Intro, Menace, and Ufouria. I think I recorded the older versions of the songs by plugging my physical Genesis into my computer, but this time around I just dumped the .VGM files from WinAmp. Some time in the future I might rerecord them from the system and post both versions, because the WinAmp dumps are a little... sharp, I guess is the word I'm looking for?
By the way, I was asked what happened to the Lemmings DDR song. Well, I wasn't sure where to put it, so I just removed it for the time being. I'll probably add it to the Lemmings 2 listing when I get around to that.
I've also made a slight change to my April Fool's 2014 MOREC, since GOG.com had to delist Painkiller.
8/21 - No, I Still Haven't Forgiven This Game's Ending
Over in Game Music there's a new listing for NIER. I've said before that I think this game's soundtrack is a bit overrated, but what the hell, it's decent enough and I needed a break from Lemmings music.
And another shoutout to Whitney for pointing out I had two songs with the same description and left a sentence unfinished over in the Lemmings music.
UPDATE UPDATE: Oh, well, I just received a newsletter from WaterMelon announcing their intentions to make an action RPG for the Dreamcast. You mean these guys still haven't taken me off their mailing list after this?
8/13 - Super Chevon Boy
Two things, today. For the hors d'oeuvres, the rest of the 3D Lemmings soundtrack has been posted over in the Lemmings Music, and the Win95 music has been reinstated.
For the main course we have the July quickies. So much for going back to doing those every other month.