Outside the mansion YET AGAIN.

Funny how his hand got burned when he stuck it in the shadows, but when he ran his whole body in full throttle he just got thrown against a wall.

I don't know if Akiko is squirting something in Kazuo's eyes, or if she's giving him some smelling salt, but I do know that Yamamura's fanning Kaz with is hat.

"I'unno, you were the one in the room."

... in a galaxy not too far away...

Long awaited? What, was the woman pregnant for two years or something?

"They liked to play Shadow Puppets together."

"How he expected to put a child's life on four walls is beyond me, but that's what he intended to do!"

"It wasn't a popular language."

"She put in the wrong kind of fuel, the furnace blew up, and everybody died. The end."

"Ichirou really enjoyed the cold, and that woman went and ruined it."

Now THERE'S some damn fine parenting skills!

Kid: Otochan, I'm bored! Can we play ball?
Ichirou: Not now, Hideo-chan. Go play in the basement.
Kid: Okachan said I shouldn't go into the basement.
Ichirou: Well, I'm giving you permission to. Leave me alone!

"She overcooked it, and it was dried out beyond edibility."

The movie makes such a big deal about the eye thing, and this four words of background meshed together with a bunch of other garbage makes it pretty much meaningless.

"She really, really, wanted a kid, but didn't feel like going through the whole pregnancy and birth thing again."

This part I have to commend. The way the game explained the whole "lobbing other kids into the incinerator" thing, it made it sound like the other kids Mamiya was throwing into the incinerator were her other kids.

But then again... how the hell did she get into the surrounding houses to kidnap the babies?

"Couldn't she have just used wood?"

"Except nobody wanted to play with the kid because his mother was a big meanie."

"...carrying torches and pitchforks and other farming supplies."

According to the game Mamiya had locked herself in her room and commit suicide there. Then again, the movie omits the whole inner sanctuary, dungeon, and creepy area behind the statues. And rhyme and reason.

"Ugh! How awful!"
"Pff. Women."

If you haven't played the game and can't be bothered to, but want to know what really happened to Ichirou according to that, highlight from here:

Yamamura is really Ichirou. The game actually makes it a point to bring it up in the ending. No indication of it is ever made in the movie, but there is a possibility that he is supposed to be Ichirou in the movie as well, but the scripters forgot to put in hints.

...to here.

He drew a cat once.

"Tune in next week and I'll tell you about that abandoned mansion in Racoon City. It has mutants!"

"Yeah yeah yeah, kid got burned, mother went insane, villiagers rampaged. WHERE'S EMI?!"

Some creepy stuff, that's for sure.

Dude, the guy who woke Mamiya up got what was coming to him. Stop yelling at Kazuo.

"As are the dolls, chairs, and other inanimate objects."

TO THE BATMOBILE!

"Well, we could just try asking nicely."

Did you not see what happened when Akiko pointed the flashlight as Emi?

You go, Mura.

"Not what Kazuo says, that's for sure."

Dude! How hard did you hit your head when you got thrown across the hallway? The shadows destroy the lighting!

...ooooo-kay, so obviously there was a time when Mamiya was rampaging around the mansion before. The movie never bothers to explain how the Memorial Tower came to be, and how it calmed Mamiya, or bound her, or whatever.

"They're like CS Majors."

It didn't work, but it did something wiggy with Emi's face.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY AMULET?"

Thinking isn't Kazuo's forte.

"Wow, that's really clever. Are you a poet?"
"No, but I like to paint."

"Yamamura's being mean!"

...what?

Great! Let's head on over to the Roivas Mansion and get the Sigil of Xel'lotath!

"Levitation smarts."

"...unless you need him to ram his colossal body into something, getting him killed, in which case he may end up saving the world."

Remember when I said the only time anybody besides Kazuo ingests anything was Taguchi's shot back at the tub scene? Well, I don't know how the hell I forgot about this one.

After Mura puts his mouth on the bottle...

"I don't like you!"

Look, I think she'd know if she'd had a child, Mura, unless she's suffered brain damage since going through the nine months of torment and the torturous birthing process.

Because she's had no experience in bed.

"Unless the woman is really, really big."

Make that the INSANE soul of a mother who lost a child.

...er, how does Mura know Emi's mother is dead?

"Like North and South. Peanut Butter and Jelly. Rock, paper, and scissors."

Maybe if you weren't a complete idiot who forgets thing that happened two minutes ago, you could do something.

...what?

"I don't want it."

"It's the perfect time for acting like an idiot, but not for jokes!"

And then the movie will become even more pointless and agonizing.

"YOU?!"

Change of subject!

This one what? A pimple?

Mura starts pretending he's a Jedi.

Dude, I think Mura knows what he's talking about. YOU were the one who thought the curse was a load of hooey, then your old friend from TV Broadcasting class gets ripped in half, and some chick end up a pile of molten rock.

Japanese lesson time! The Japanese word for "shit" is "kuso". Now go say it to everybody!

Mura starts singing a song that goes on for a minute and a half. The music sounds like some kind of drunken bar thing, but not a word of it is subtitled, and the background music sounds like something from the county fair's merry-go-round. Words can't begin to describe how innappropriate it is for the moment, not that this is the first time the movie made a mockery of itself.

Burn it to a CD and listen to it in the car! Sorry about how quiet it is. I couldn't make it any louder. Don't forget to turn the volume down when you're done laughing.

Update: Site reader Oscar Hernandez wrote in to tell me the song he's singing is to the tune of a Spanish children's song called "Se Va La Barca"/"The Ship Leaves" although the lyrics are different. I don't know if he's singing a Japanese translation, or a completely different song to this same tune.

"He's so cute when he's drunk."

I said I wanted a giraffe.

Laughing ensues.

"I DID IT!"

Okay, that's just creepy.

Kazuo's probably wondering what's so funny.

Or maybe not.

C'mon, Rendezvous at the Mountain ain't gonna solve itself!

You big baby.

"Oh yeah, I think Gozer the Gozerian is kept down here as well. Watch out for that."

Mura's sure enjoying this.

You're such a boy scout, Kaz.

Akiko takes it a little more cautiously.

So, Kaz pockets the Amulet, grabs the lights, and runs down the stairs...

...and predictably hits it against the passage.